A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Lots of frustrations (2/5/2013)

Today was another day out with my bf...was at 1U looking for his watch...we had BBQ plaza and after that i went for my facial.

I spent like rm134 this ard buying the rebalancing serum cause of the black and white heads that have been infesting my right temple...so fucking frustrated till the point where i wanted to peel that part of my flesh off..
Bi waited for me for 2 hrs again for my facial...i love this bf la...he waits for me and doesn't complain or get angry or anything..who wudnt wan this kinda bf man...my man is JJANG!~

Hopefully this new serum i bought which cost me rm68 would work ba...sighh...i hate it...spend so much money yet income so little...i just wanna graduate fast and find a job which pay well..i think the fastest way dud be selling insurance...so i shud be focusing on that more now...i need to be rich..

After facial, went to bi's house to nap a while and had dinner, but didn't nap tho..was just fooling around again on the bed.. HAHAHA...dinner was simple as usual but so oily again...HAHAH..

After that it rained heavily when i wanted to leave and Eric's mum just came home, she was saying don't leave 1st, very heavy rain...so i stayed a while more and i asked bi to check out his auto cad courses cause he said he wanted to go back to study...
I've been thinking about it since just now, i mean it's definitely a good thing to go back to study but 
1. i don't know if he's ready to take on a full time study course .. 
2. Furthermore, he's 21 this year, to complete at least diploma takes 2 and half year...by time he graduate it dud really be too late.
3. Time consuming, so he can only focus on his studies and can't really take on a full time job and time spend with me dud def be lesser...(not complaining coz it's something beneficial)
4. Monetary issue when there is no full time job.. which leads to a lot of problems.
5. my wait would def be prolong, as long as bi is not earning that amount that i think is appropriate, i can't bring him home...

I know i shunt be saying all these coz it would affect his mindset but i just want him to think properly... If he decides to study i would support him... i know rain or shine, we'v gone tru too much to go our separate ways unless it necessary, unless there is no other choice.

At 9pm, we left his place to come home...i know i was extremely late already... I texted mum to say i would be a little late but no reply...At the Bukit Raja toll, she called and i told her i reaching soon. She didn't even say a single word and hang up edy... i knew it was a bad sign... I'm worried and frustrated of course..whenever these occurs i just feel like crunching up and hide in any hole i can possibly find...i don't wan to face all this all the time..my worries   is at its utmost level...anymore, i won't be able to handle it anymore...
I know my mum suspects of us being together or maybe she even knows but can't she just let me be... i deserve some happiness in my life...i studied so hard and i'm such a filial child that i always think for my parents...but this is what i get in life... 
I know i lied and al just to be with Eric but what choice was i given? I can't possibly tell her the truth as truth is now what she wants to hear..
I know my mum don't trust me, but what can i do as long as this relationship is hidden..

Thankfully say told me to be more careful as mum is watching at the door when she called me... she watches my back for me and i'm ever so grateful.. 

I'm so sad and angry at the fact that i have to live my life like that... my heart is so broken...
At times like this i feel like giving up but i know i can't..

The end...

Gonna sleep early..i'm tired and i have work to do tomorrow after i return from gym after class..

Today LOVE rate = 100%

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